Not the Sharpest Crayon in the Box

So far the past two weeks have been long, hellish and have I mentioned long?  All I've pretty much done is get up (at the very last minute), go to work (often at the last minute or perhaps a smidge later, oops), stress, train students, stress some more, go home, fall into bed, repeat, repeat, repeat.

So we can safely assume that the internet and I have been a bit estranged these long, long weeks.  I feel like I've been Rip Van Winkle-ing for a hundred years and everyone has flying cars and tvs that play in their BRAINS or something. 

WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING, INTERNET?  I NEED TO KNOW!

I started on my neglected Google Reader tonight around 2:30am.  Ya'll, I didn't finish until almost 5am.  I now know what everyone and their dog was up to during Labor Day weekend, what Kate wore, and Zara is now available in the US. Which, I'm sorry, Kate looks darling in Zara but the stuff I saw on the website was a bit, umm, not.  Also, that model is a leeeeetle bit scary.

So two and a half hours later, my eyes are burning, tears are streaming down my face and I'm still on the computer.

Kelly Lynn.  Not the sharpest crayon in the box.


Laters.

Update or Why My Head is Going to Explode

Popping in for a few minutes from my exteeeeemely busy job (totally just typed busty there, wink, wink). 

I have trained so many students today, hour upon hour, that if I get out of here tonight before curling up on the floor and weeping like a baby, I'll call it good.

Please remind me again WHY we need to have work-study students? 

Anyhoo, beginning of the school year looks okay.  If okay means that we desperately need about 15 more students, preferably equipped with library skills or you know, the ability to READ whichever is available (act now and we'll throw in the ability to Tell Time absolutely free!). 

Please tell me that it can only get better from here.


Laters.

Dear 2011, You Are Dead To Me

So, yes.  2011, I hate you with the fires of a thousand suns.  Hate, hate, hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY!

I hope everyone is having a better new year than I am because if not, I am so sorry.  I feel your pain.

So far this has occurred:

• A cold
• Slipped on the ice and banged up my hip
• Toothache that led to
• An infection
• Throwing up
• ER visit
• Dentist
• Heart attack from the cost (also: if you find my eyeballs, please return)
• PTO time taken that I was trying to save!  For, ya know, the snow.
• PTO for snow.  Dammit. 
• Car door that would not close that took all of 5 seconds to fix after taking YET MORE PTO time
• Annoying people being annoying and making me even more miserable than I was before (see above) and sticking their noses into what is totally not their business and making me incredibly pissy and no, I do not want to help you so piss off.

In conclusion, 2011, it would be totally awesome if you would be nicer to me, mmkay?

Love,
Me

November 1st - Must Finish!

• Vacuum and mop the kitchen and bathroom
• Vacuum!  Everywhere!
• 30 Day Shred
• Email Tiffany before she thinks I am a total flake and stops talking to me
• Write 1667 words for the first day of NANO (and then die)
• Crash until I have to go to work tomorrow

When Life Hands You Lemons...

...you chuck them right back at Life and say, "Fuck you!"

So, I am a little peeved, as you can obviously tell.

I am so tired of being the nice person, ya know?  The girl who always puts her work aside so she can do someone else's.  The one who cannot-fucking-say-no-to-save-her-soul-or-at-least-her-sanity.  The one who puts her life on hold for someone else.

I need a nice long vacation ALONE where there are no people.  Antarctica, perhaps?  I do love me some penguins.


Laters.

The Birthday Plan

I will begin the 30 Day Shred on Sunday, October 17, 2010.  I will complete each day through thick and thin, through rain and snow and sleet and hail, in sickness and in health 'til death do us part (or something to that effect) until Tuesday, November 16, 2010.

I am hoping to have lost at least 3 lbs., hopefully more.  I am also hoping to have more energy to gt things done around the house and my job.  I am hoping that I will not be so tired all the time.

I am also hoping that I will be a size smaller!  Perhaps less boobage?  Yes, please!  Oh, to have shirts fit correctly.  And pants!  That don't bulge with the bulginess of my tummy!

Pray to all the gods above that I can stick to this!  Finding 20 minutes a day can't be that hard, right?  I just need to cut out one half-hour show block of time.

Please don't let me fail at this like everything else!

A Rant in Bullet List Form

• There's something going on at work that is making me throw back my ice tea like it's a Long Island Iced Tea.  Except for the fact that I don't drink.  And I've never been drunk.  Or understood the fun of being drunk.  But right now?  Looking a little more attractive every hour.

•  The thing from work?  If it pans out tonight like I desperately hope it won't, you may hear my scream in the next galaxy.  No, universe.

• Cowlicks are popping up all over my head!  Obviously a sign that the top layers are getting too long and heavy and I need to hightail it to get my hair cut. 

• I've gone to the same salon since high school, which is now a twenty minute drive.  With the way my hair grows, I really need to get a small trim on my bangs every week two weeks and I can't really justify using up a 1/4 of a tank of gas to just get my hair trimmed.  Even though Mom would love it since salon + Mom = same town.

•  I need to find a new hairstylist who will not have any history with my very finicky hair.  This is very stressful!

• There are 5 million things that I have to do when I get home.  I mean IMPERATIVE FOR MY IMMEDIATE SURVIVAL or something like that, anyway.  All stuff that I have been putting off all week but now that I have plans for this weekend, I don't have time to get to them at my leisure (which is usually quite leisurely but not very timely).

• All I want to do is curl up on my couch and watch the rest of Persons Unknown.  MUST KNOW HOW THE SEASON ENDS!!!  Right now, my vote is aliens.  Which doesn't mean much because that's my answer for everything.  Or ghosts.  But if it is ghosts then damn.  These are some pretty techno-geeky Caspers.  And can I just say, Janet's mom?  Scary a la Joan Crawford.

• And I have Castle and Supernatural to watch, too.  Plus, umm, some more SGA.

• Wait, why am I going out this weekend?

Laters.

October = Love

I hope that everyone out there in internet-land is having the best October ever.

'Cause I sure am!

I absolutely love this time of year!  The weather has finally evened off into the 50-60 degree range which is wonderful as I will not die of heat stroke as I wear basically winter clothes all year round.  My office is an iceberg 364 days of the year with one day reserved for when you are bundled up for ARCTIC SURVIVAL and the furnace will malfunction and roast you to death.

True story.

In other October awesomeness, my landlord finally ripped out all the ugly bushes in front of the house!  I can see out of my kitchen window again! 

I came home from work on Tuesday night and pulled into the driveway and just sat there for a minute looking at the house.  I knew something was different but it didn't register until suddenly I figured out that I could see the whole house.  Amazing!  It suddenly looked a lot bigger (from the outside).

So while I am sad that the wildlife has been evicted from the front bushes, I am extremely pleased.  I will not be pleased if he tries to put anything back except for lilac bushes.  Can you imagine standing with your kitchen window open as you do the dishes while a gentle breeze brings in the wonderful lilac scent?  Bliss.

Going shopping this weekend!  So excited.  I'm hoping to get some new clothes or maybe some shoes or maybe a coat or maybe, well, you get the idea.

So shopping and then supper at Perkins.  Can't wait.

And I think I'll stop the rambling here.


Laters.

Delurk?

So I was checking my stats and I see that I have people who have read my blog.

!!!

!!!

Cool!

I was wondering if everyone could leave me just a quick comment on where they are from ('cause I'm nosy like that) or maybe something they would like me to post about ('cause I'm running out of ideas) or maybe just how awesome you think I am ('cause I am needy and also delusional).

If you have a blog, I will totally visit and delurk as well!


Thanks a bunch, people!

Laters.


(Please let there be at least one comment or else I will feel like a dork.  T_T)

My Mind Is A Scary Place...

I've been reading a lot of Stargate Atlantis fan fiction lately and trying to catch up on the episodes that I missed somehow in the 5 seasons it was on.

(I just watched the series finale.)
(2 years after it aired.)
(I wasn't ready to let go.) 
(Umm, still not ready.  That was a poor excuse for a series finale.)
(Don't judge.)

Anyhoo, apparently reading SGA fic right before bed (okay, all day yesterday) causes one to have odd SG-1 related dreams.  Yeah.  Just go with me, okay?

I dreamed that I was going through the gate on my own after Kowalsky and Mitchell (I know, okay) went through to somewhere else.  Vala was going to another place after me.  So the guys went and then I did.  Only I came out in the Mountain right in front of the Gate.  So I went through again.

And gated out at the library I work at.

Who were totally okay with that.

I know!

And then, I figured out that I was in an alternate reality 'cause there was this person (no connection to work) that was like super nice to me.  Which freaked. me. the. fuck. out.  (There also might have been some really bad Courtney Love hair and electric blue eyeshadow going on.)

And someone else was rocking some long hair which also freaked me the fuck out.  Also, there was some way, way OOC-ness going on for this person.  Freakier than the hair.  Which was freaky!

And so I just sat there at the front desk and waited on people (totally screwing up giving out the password) and telling people "I'm from an alternate reality" every time they talked to me.

Who then nodded and were totally okay with.

Again, I know!

I'm wondering what reading some more SGA after work would do to me?


Laters.

Just...why?

So, I'm sitting here in my living room happily relaxing on the couch, trying to figure out whether to start the next DVD of Castle or Supernatural.

And then.

They appeared.

It was like some super evil time/space vortex dropped off all the children in my neighborhood into next door's back yard.

Where they immediatley began screaming at the top of their lungs.

I am not kidding.  They all sounded like they were being murdered.

Have I mentioned I don't like children?


Laters.

Nominated!!!!

One of my stories was totally nominated for a CoA award!!!   Woot!!!!


Laters.

Because It's Monday...

...you get a list.

• 3 hours of sleep is not enough
• Mondays are just no
• The kids come back next Monday  (Why God, why?)
• My hair feels greasy even though I showered this morning.  (Honest.)
• Garbage men came at 7:45 this morning.  WTF?  

Laters

Movie Review: Friday the 13th (2009)

*Spoilers!!*





Okay, I'll be honest.  The only reason I really wanted to watch this movie was because Jared Padalecki was in it.  I was disappointed with Jensen Ackles in "My Bloody Valentine" so I was hoping that this would be better.

Well, only slightly since Jared managed to not be the bad guy.  A fact that was worrying me as 25 minutes into the show, everyone but Whitney was dead and there was no sign of Jared. 

Uh, excuse me, Jason?  Aren't you killing everyone off a little too soon?
P.S.  Jason?  Please don't be Jared.

Anyways, it was a typical slasher fic complete with naked girls having sex (not with each other, surprisingly) and guys getting drunk, high or both. 

The dialogue was cheesy (You've got perfect nipple placement).  Honestly, who says that?

It was gory, I'll give it that, but not anything extraordinary.  I would have preferred a little more back story (although most know the story) and there honestly was little to no plot beyond Clay trying to find his sister and Jason killing anyone he set his eyes on. 

I have to say, I was a little surprised that Jenna bit the dust (btw, if I had been Jenna, Trent would have been dead waaaay before Jason made his appearance.  Just sayin'  Also, was Jenna his girlfriend or Bree?  'Cause if it was Jenna and he was doing Bree?  Bastard.).  I was expecting Whitney to get killed just as soon as Clay found her.  But with the way it ended, it's possible no one made it.

All in all, I give it 2 stars.


Laters.


My rating system:

0 stars - Worst movie ever made.
1 star - I've definitely seen better
2 stars - It's okay but once is enough for me.
3 stars - I'll watch it again.
4 stars - I'll buy it.
5 stars - Not only will I buy it but I'll watch it every day!

Project Skinny Day #1

In an effort to lose some much needed poundage, I have been trolling YouTube for fitness/diet/healthy eating videos.  I made many notes of things to try and decided that this day, August 3, 2010, would be the beginning of Project Skinny.

During my Pre-Project Preperations, I decided to try just a few things.  I bought some water, cashews, dry-roasted peanuts, Cran-apple flavor sticks for the water ('cause plain water = ick), green tea sticks, a small vanilla soy milk and some orange sherbet push up pops.

The orange sherbet is delish by the way.  ^_^

Day One however, is not going as planned. 

I dragged myself in to work at 11am accompanied with a few of my new healthy items.  I brought a serving size of cashews, two waters, a green tea stick and a half bottle of lemonade just in case.  Oh, and a piece of leftover pizza for lunch.

What?  Rome wasn't built in a day, ya know.

So I scarfed down my cashews first thing and then I tried the green tea.  All the YouTubers had agreed that it was the best thing ever and soooo good for you and soooo delicious.

Y'all, I don't know what they were drinking but it sure wasn't what I was.

Let me break it down for you.

You take a bottle of water, take a few sips and then pour a packet of the green tea into it.  My first reaction was that well, shouldn't the powder be green instead of a weird taupey color?  Then I shook and shook and shook that bottle of water to dissolve the tea and ended up with a bottle whose color was now, in my opinion, pee.

Yum.

So I braved a taste of it.

I am not sure there are words to describe it.  It sorta tasted like honey and lemon and some unidentified flavor that I am not very sure of except ick.

I've drunk about half of the bottle and it has perhaps gotten a teensy tiny bit drinkable. 

But it is definitely going on the No list.


Laters.

My Weekend is Full

So, Saturday we're taking clothes to Mom's friend in the hospital in Sioux City, Sunday we're going to the Sorcerer's Apprentice and Monday (Mom's birthday!) we are back in Sioux City for Mom's appointment with the neurologist.

Can we say busy?

Today I am going to, or rather attempt, vacuuming the whole apartment, mopping the kitchen and bath, taking out the garbage, cleaning out the fridge (protective gear needed) and washing the dishes from the fridge.

Hopefully I can talk my mom out of staying over on Saturday so I can get the rest of the cleaning done that I may or may not have slacked off on this week. 

These include but are not limited to: sheets to be washed, towels to be washed, comforters to take to laundromat, bathroom cleaned, kitchen curtains need to be hemmed, washed, ironed and re-hung 4 inches higher (umm, learn how to iron), change the kitty litter(!) and rearranging some cabinets in the kitchen.

Lofty goals I'm afraid.


Laters.

It's all a little blurry right now...possibly a good thing

Last night I looked in the mirror after work and almost scared myself.

Apparently I do look like I feel.  How nice. 

I am also dying of sleep deprivation.  Between the cats and my inability to stay asleep for more than two hours at a time (and oh, hey, did I mention that I also seem to have insomnia on top of the inability to stay asleep longer than two hours?), I'm surprised no one has died yet in a fit of insomnia-induced rage. Because believe me, there is rage.

Btw, did I mention that it's THAT time of the month?

On the bright side, today is my last full day of work this week.   Praise Jesus.  Then all the students will go away and all will be right in the world.

I am also leaving tomorrow for Des Moines for two days for a conference.  Every time I think about it, I get an image of me, F. and M. peeling out of the parking lot shouting, "So long, suckers!" to the rest of the staff as we leave them to deal with the end of semester craziness.

You know, I think that no sleep thing is getting to me.  :P


Laters..

Excuses

So.  The 30 Day Shred.  Not happening today.

I know, I know.  I said no excuses but this is a crazy week for me at work with my co-worker being gone and one of our students just left and well, I don't handle change well, okay?

The plan is to start it on Friday which is my day off and take it from there.  I would really like to still be alive when I go see Alice in Wonderland on Saturday.



Laters.

Seriously?

Yesterday, while at Wal-mart getting the necessities in life (chocolate milk and peanut butter and fudge cookies), I stumbled upon a never before seen part of the store (mostly because the store is being remodeled and nothing, nothing is where it is supposed to be).  I found myself in the fitness aisle and they had exercise DVDs for $9 each.  $9.  I couldn't pass that up so I bought two, Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and The Biggest Loser Workout Cardio Mix.

Yes, I'm fairly certain that I am sick.  Especially as I actually plan on trying them.

I've been thinking about exercising for awhile now but it really hit me in February.  February is when we get a physical for our health insurance at work.  They take your pulse, blood pressure, weigh, measure and bleed you to death take a vial or two of blood.  Then they give you a little glossy card with all the above information (including a wonderful BMI chart) and send your blood back to the vampires lab so they can run tests.

I hate that glossy little card.  For the past two years, I have been listed as obese.  Okay, I wear a size 12.  And I am obese. 

So, I have decided that I am going to exercise so that next year I can tell that little card where to go be friends with the little card.  I will be starting the 30 Day Shred tomorrow (Tomorrow?  Really?  Are you sure?  Yes, Kelly tomorrow.  No excuses.)

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.  If, ya know, I'm still alive.


Laters.

I'm tired and I wanna go home ...

Home...
Home...
Hooooooome.


(Don't worry if you don't get the reference. Although you are missing out on one awesome John Wayne movie.)

Lack of sleep combined with stupidly forgetting my allergy pill is making Kelly Lynn not a happy camper. I am grumpy and also, snotty.

I am ready to go home to my nice warm bed with my nice warm kitties and perhaps not wake up until oh, April? How does April sound to you?

Alas, I have to go home in the fog, which my weather alert tells me is not just fog but DENSE FOG. Which means snail speed all the way home. Yay!

And there will be no bed for me when I get home. I need to fix supper, clean off the table, put the dishes away from Monday, put the clothes away from Sunday and Monday, and OMG CLEAN THE CAT BOXES! Seriously, two kitties should not feel the need to poop and pee as much as they do.

Then and only then am I allowed into bed. Where I will be smothered by Emme and Kisa. Kisa will sprawl lengthwise down my body (of which she is almost half of me!) and be dead to the world while Emme will pin my legs down and bite me if I move and growl in ALL CAPS because OMG MOM! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!

Let me just say that it is not a fun time when the alarm goes off.




Laters.