Not the Sharpest Crayon in the Box

So far the past two weeks have been long, hellish and have I mentioned long?  All I've pretty much done is get up (at the very last minute), go to work (often at the last minute or perhaps a smidge later, oops), stress, train students, stress some more, go home, fall into bed, repeat, repeat, repeat.

So we can safely assume that the internet and I have been a bit estranged these long, long weeks.  I feel like I've been Rip Van Winkle-ing for a hundred years and everyone has flying cars and tvs that play in their BRAINS or something. 

WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING, INTERNET?  I NEED TO KNOW!

I started on my neglected Google Reader tonight around 2:30am.  Ya'll, I didn't finish until almost 5am.  I now know what everyone and their dog was up to during Labor Day weekend, what Kate wore, and Zara is now available in the US. Which, I'm sorry, Kate looks darling in Zara but the stuff I saw on the website was a bit, umm, not.  Also, that model is a leeeeetle bit scary.

So two and a half hours later, my eyes are burning, tears are streaming down my face and I'm still on the computer.

Kelly Lynn.  Not the sharpest crayon in the box.


Laters.

Dear 2011, You Are Dead To Me

So, yes.  2011, I hate you with the fires of a thousand suns.  Hate, hate, hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY!

I hope everyone is having a better new year than I am because if not, I am so sorry.  I feel your pain.

So far this has occurred:

• A cold
• Slipped on the ice and banged up my hip
• Toothache that led to
• An infection
• Throwing up
• ER visit
• Dentist
• Heart attack from the cost (also: if you find my eyeballs, please return)
• PTO time taken that I was trying to save!  For, ya know, the snow.
• PTO for snow.  Dammit. 
• Car door that would not close that took all of 5 seconds to fix after taking YET MORE PTO time
• Annoying people being annoying and making me even more miserable than I was before (see above) and sticking their noses into what is totally not their business and making me incredibly pissy and no, I do not want to help you so piss off.

In conclusion, 2011, it would be totally awesome if you would be nicer to me, mmkay?

Love,
Me

When Life Hands You Lemons...

...you chuck them right back at Life and say, "Fuck you!"

So, I am a little peeved, as you can obviously tell.

I am so tired of being the nice person, ya know?  The girl who always puts her work aside so she can do someone else's.  The one who cannot-fucking-say-no-to-save-her-soul-or-at-least-her-sanity.  The one who puts her life on hold for someone else.

I need a nice long vacation ALONE where there are no people.  Antarctica, perhaps?  I do love me some penguins.


Laters.

A Rant in Bullet List Form

• There's something going on at work that is making me throw back my ice tea like it's a Long Island Iced Tea.  Except for the fact that I don't drink.  And I've never been drunk.  Or understood the fun of being drunk.  But right now?  Looking a little more attractive every hour.

•  The thing from work?  If it pans out tonight like I desperately hope it won't, you may hear my scream in the next galaxy.  No, universe.

• Cowlicks are popping up all over my head!  Obviously a sign that the top layers are getting too long and heavy and I need to hightail it to get my hair cut. 

• I've gone to the same salon since high school, which is now a twenty minute drive.  With the way my hair grows, I really need to get a small trim on my bangs every week two weeks and I can't really justify using up a 1/4 of a tank of gas to just get my hair trimmed.  Even though Mom would love it since salon + Mom = same town.

•  I need to find a new hairstylist who will not have any history with my very finicky hair.  This is very stressful!

• There are 5 million things that I have to do when I get home.  I mean IMPERATIVE FOR MY IMMEDIATE SURVIVAL or something like that, anyway.  All stuff that I have been putting off all week but now that I have plans for this weekend, I don't have time to get to them at my leisure (which is usually quite leisurely but not very timely).

• All I want to do is curl up on my couch and watch the rest of Persons Unknown.  MUST KNOW HOW THE SEASON ENDS!!!  Right now, my vote is aliens.  Which doesn't mean much because that's my answer for everything.  Or ghosts.  But if it is ghosts then damn.  These are some pretty techno-geeky Caspers.  And can I just say, Janet's mom?  Scary a la Joan Crawford.

• And I have Castle and Supernatural to watch, too.  Plus, umm, some more SGA.

• Wait, why am I going out this weekend?

Laters.

Just...why?

So, I'm sitting here in my living room happily relaxing on the couch, trying to figure out whether to start the next DVD of Castle or Supernatural.

And then.

They appeared.

It was like some super evil time/space vortex dropped off all the children in my neighborhood into next door's back yard.

Where they immediatley began screaming at the top of their lungs.

I am not kidding.  They all sounded like they were being murdered.

Have I mentioned I don't like children?


Laters.

It's all a little blurry right now...possibly a good thing

Last night I looked in the mirror after work and almost scared myself.

Apparently I do look like I feel.  How nice. 

I am also dying of sleep deprivation.  Between the cats and my inability to stay asleep for more than two hours at a time (and oh, hey, did I mention that I also seem to have insomnia on top of the inability to stay asleep longer than two hours?), I'm surprised no one has died yet in a fit of insomnia-induced rage. Because believe me, there is rage.

Btw, did I mention that it's THAT time of the month?

On the bright side, today is my last full day of work this week.   Praise Jesus.  Then all the students will go away and all will be right in the world.

I am also leaving tomorrow for Des Moines for two days for a conference.  Every time I think about it, I get an image of me, F. and M. peeling out of the parking lot shouting, "So long, suckers!" to the rest of the staff as we leave them to deal with the end of semester craziness.

You know, I think that no sleep thing is getting to me.  :P


Laters..

Snowbank Blues

So. I got stuck in a snowbank today. The snowbank located directly next door. I didn't even make it to the end of my street, yo!

A series of events led to this snowbank. I got up an hour and a half later than I was supposed to as we were to have our belated staff Christmas party today at noon which is when I usually get to work over Interim and I needed to get there early. So I was in a hurry for that. I didn't let my windows completely defrost on the inside as I was in a hurry (no worries, I could still see, just the far edges were a little blurry!). And last but not least, I was trying to avoid two kids walking home from school who thought that they should walk down the middle of the road when a car is coming. I moved over too far and ended up with my right bumper in a snowbank. I tried to back out but every time I tried, the kids kept getting closer to the car. I finally rolled down the window to tell them I needed some room to back up. Have I mentioned before that I'm not particularly fond of children?

Anyways, all that stopping and starting got me even more stuck. I called the tow truck and the lady said that it would take some time as one truck was just leaving Ft. Dodge and one had a call just outside of town. I gave her my number and walked home (next door! how embarrassing!). I was on the phone with my mom venting about how I got stuck (next door!) when my neighbor (from next door!) knocked on my door and offered to pull me out. I called the tow truck back but the lady said he was on his way. We actually met him right when my neighbor was starting to hitch up my car. He left and I hope that they don't charge me. Keep your fingers crossed!

So, my neighbor got me out, I circled the block and pulled into my driveway and called it good. Then I called my mom back and ranted some more.

On the bright side, the University is closing today so I don't have to take any PTO. Yay for paid day off! Except for the snowbank part. I could have lived without that. Also, I got most of my groceries for the month last night (how's that for being prepared?) so I won't starve any time soon.

So the kitties and I have taken up residence on the couch. We just finished Bedknobs & Broomsticks, totally one of my faves. Trying to get up the energy to start on my mountain of dirty dishes.

Btw, would it be bad of me to hope that tomorrow is another snow day? I was just thinking that well, I don't work Friday or Saturday and if we get Thursday off as well, I could be looking at a four day weekend! Awesome!


Laters.

This Just In ...

... I am sick. I have been sick since I got home from work on Friday. I am miserable. I haven't had a cold last this long in forever. Usually day and a half max. Not four whole days.

Yesterday, I got up at 4pm, went to my mom's to take her shopping, got home at 10pm, went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 4:30am. I stayed up today until 6:30am and then went back to bed until 9:00am. I just don't have any energy.

In other news, Christmas is happening today in about three hours. Because Mother Nature has decided to dump a ton of snow on Iowa. Travel is not advised for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Awesome.

So I have made the executive decision to bump Christmas with my uncle up to today, bring my mom back to my house for Christmas Eve/Day and not get stuck in a snow bank. 'Cause it would so totally happen to me. Cold + Snow + Ice = Snow Bank.

Also, I am seriously leaning toward hibernating after Christmas until I have to go back to work on Monday.

(Not) So Rumbly In My Tumbly

I think I'm sick. 

If you have ever eaten with me, then you know that I don't eat a whole lot.  I'm lucky if I can finish half my plate when I go out to eat.  I have to know in advance if we are going out to eat so I know not to eat that day which is totally ridiculous and sad but lately it's been even more ridiculous and sad.

Observe the ridiculousness and sadness.

I forgot my supper tonight so I went to Taco John's and got two tacos, a medium Potato Ole, a medium Pepsi and a churro (I love you Taco John's!).  So I take it back to work to eat on my break and do you know what I could eat?  Well, do you?!?

Half a taco, a churro and half of my Potato Oles.  WTF?  I used to be able to eat the whole thing.  Okay, I usually regretted it after I felt like exploding but still!  And all I had before that was a small bowl of Goldfish seven hours earlier.  No, not that kind of Goldfish, you sick people.  The cracker Goldfish.

It's been almost two hours since then and the thought of eating or drinking anything is actually making me nauseous.

So what's the deal?  Did my stomach shrink last month when I had the flu and couldn't eat for two days?  Am I finally going to lose that weight I gained in college?

Eh, probably not.  But I still think I'm sick.

Laters.


P.S. You know that 14 gazillion dishes I had left on Sunday.  Yeah, so if you don't do them, they magically multiply into 20 gazillion dishes, give or take a few zillion.  Whodathunk?

It Figures ...

 
that today would totally not be my day.

I've been up since 8am, actually at the grocery store by 9am to get the last of my groceries to make a nice Sunday supper.  So what happens?  They have three scraggly parsnips and only half gallon chocolate milks.  Plus they wanted $1.15 for Cream of Mushroom Soup.  I think I'll wait until closer to Thanksgiving when the price goes down, thank you very much. 

So I take my scraggly parsnips (and it always kills me that I have to tell the checkout kids what the vegetables are) and my pitiful half gallon of chocolate milk (which may or may not make it through today) and went home.  To my completely frozen roast.

Lest you think that I am a complete and total idiot, I did take out the stupid thing last night and put it in the fridge.  So it had been thawing for a good nine hours.  Apparently I should have taken it out three days ago.  So it is in the microwave defrosting.  Which it will still be doing a half hour from now because microwave defrosting and I are not friends.

Also, every single pot and pan that I need to make this supper is dirty.  Why did say I would do this?  Granted it's just my mom coming over, but still.  I think we would like to eat before the next century at least.

I so fail...

Yeah. That whole April goal thing? Didn't really pan out so great. I got some really horrible news the first day and then I was sick until oh, yesterday. I am so not even going to try to exercise tonight. I have to close the library tonight at midnight and then be back at 8am. Isn't that super? So all you're getting tonight is a post on what I am going to do to pass the time until I have to go back to work. In list format because I am lazy.

• All my laundry and ACTUALLY PUT IT ALL AWAY! I am great at doing laundry but I absolutely hate folding/hanging everything.
• Make tater tot casserole. With the frozen hamburger I forgot to take out of the freezer this morning. Yumm.
• Do my dishes and ACTUALLY PUT THEM AWAY! Yes, I have problems with this as well. I also need to figure out where to put the dish set that my mom bought me for Easter.
  
• Watch Twilight or an episode of Supernatural. Such decisions.

Expect a longer (and more coherent) post tomorrow.

Laters.

Send help

Early this moring at 4:30am, my beloved laptop charger passed away. It was a faithful companion for over a year, charging my Baby every single day. Baby is lost without her charger. She has gone into mourning and will not even turn on to greet me. It breaks my heart to see her so quiet. Today I have sent away for a new charger that will hopefully be just as faithful and will bring some life back into Baby's screen.

:whimper:

Seriously, y'all. I cannot even begin to describe how much RAGE I am feeling at this moment. I am completely addicted to my computer. I am either on the Internet, writing or playing games. I shall be very cranky for the next few days. Plus it didn't help that the 2-day shipping (what? so I'm impatient. deal.) cost $2 less than the actual charger! I just went an entire day with no internet when it went all wonky and now this! Although, I'm pretty lucky that it happened AFTER I did my taxes last night. Otherwise? The rage would not be contained.

So now I'm trying to think of what I can do while I wait for the charger to get here. Everything revolves around the computer.

Oooh, let's do some online window shopping! Wait, no computer.
Who's that one guy that was on that one show? Hey, I'll look it up, but wait, no can do.
What were the dimensions of that bookcase that I was thinking of buying? Oh, I didn't write them down because I COULD SEE THEM ANYTIME ON THE INTERNET!

Yes, I have issues. We can only pray that the charger gets here soon. Because if it doesn't? Run for your lives, y'all. It's not going to be pretty.