Clean!

You know how your laundry sometimes gets sorta piled up? And you get into your closet to pick out something to wear to work the next day? Only there's nothing that's really left that wouldn't get you fired? Have you experienced this?

And then maybe you decide to do a load of laundry so you can go to work and not be fired only the washing machine seems a little loud to you. And when you ask yourself if the washing machine always sounded that way you have to be brutally honest and respond that it's been so long that you can't even remember what the washing machine sounds like.

And then it makes a sound that you know FOR SURE it's not supposed to make. Then you go and check and the agitator thingy? It's umm, not agitaty at all. Which means that you have a washer full of dripping clothes. At 3:30am. And you are so fired.

So, in order to not be fired, you make it like pioneers and wring ONE pair of pants, ONE sweater, TWO pairs of panties and ONE lonely sock that appeared outta nowhere. It is now obvious why people only used to own two sets of clothing. THE PAIN, OH THE PAIN! AND COLD! COLD, COLD, COLD! Then you put them in the dryer and say AMEN and give the dryer lots of love and shoot dirty looks at the mean washing machine. And then you go to bed. After you email your landlady to please send her husband to look at the washer. And you spend the whole day thinking that your washer will be fixed. Only you get home at midnight and umm, it's still broke. So you go to bed and seriously consider using a sick day or a fat day or a MY WASHER IS BROKE AND I HAVE NO CLEAN CLOTHES THAT WILL NOT GET ME FIRED UNLESS YOU LET ME LOOK LIKE A COLLEGE STUDENT FOR ONE DAY PEOPLE day.

And then at 11am (which to this night job person is like 4am) someone knocks on the door and freaks the hell out of your kittens and you stumble out thinking it's your landlord and you open the door and it is totally NOT your landlord and you consider freaking for a moment before you see the word APPLIANCE written on this strange person's jacket and decide that APPLIANCE is now your most favorite word. Ever. And strange APPLIANCE person comes in and fixes your washing machine as you stand there half asleep. Not really knowing what you are supposed to do when service people are in your home. Do you offer them tea and cookies? None of which you have. Do you hover? Do you get out of the way? Do you go back to bed? In the end, you shut up, lean against a wall five feet away and try not to slide down it.

And then strange service man is going and why are you going? Oh, stuff from your truck, okay. Wait! Don't leave the door open! Kittens! Curious, fast kittens! So then you have to scoop up your kittens and toss them into their room so they won't get out because strange service man was born in a barn and left both doors open. In winter. And then you have to have a heart attack because you can only find one kitten when there were plainly two kittens there previously. And you have the scratches to prove it. So you tear around the house looking for the kitten and just about the time you're ready to put on the boots and coat and head out into the snow, you check their room and they are both sitting there saying HI MAMA! WERE YOU LOOKING FOR EMME? So then you have to kill them, obviously. Oh, I kid. A little.

But then the washing machine is fixed and strange service man has left (closing both doors this time) and you stuff the washer full of clothes and go back to bed. The End.